If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Four minutes until I can fart!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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