Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
