I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
