So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You can't special order awesome
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize