i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
