I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
