drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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