Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
