i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
