You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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