people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
