talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I could make wine with my vomit
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
