so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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