Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize