talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
