i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
