is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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