We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
