One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
