My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
