Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
