I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
