Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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