i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
