everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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