the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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