You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
