I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
