he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
