the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
