I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
