if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Say something about gay babies.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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