You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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