umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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