i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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