I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
