Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
