Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize