Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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