i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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