i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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