1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Enjoy the penises
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
