I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
