I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
