i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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