You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
