I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize