I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
