I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You are the jesus of drinking
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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