Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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