I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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