I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
