I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
