eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
