My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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