the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
