He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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