So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
