If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my poor anus
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
