I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
