If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
