It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
