My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
His nipple licking is glorious
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