well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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