He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
