Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I currently don't understand fingers.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize